Where did I go wrong

 I should have gotten out at that point. I was a strong woman who should have known that this was a red flag but as women we often ignore red flags because our desired to be loved, to belong is so strong. I had known this man as someone who could be trusted, someone that I had an association with for years. But in all honesty I knew nothing about his background, I knew noting about his family and even though he was an acquantance for over 20 years I really did not know HIM.


Then came the second incident. We were in the house, putting away groceries and he slammed my hand in the vegetable cooler. "Oh my bad" he said. It gave me pause but I still ignored it. As long as he kept me drunk and high nothing else mattered. I could ignore the small stuff. Then other things started happening.


He had convinced me to give up the car that I had that was in storage due to an unlawful traffic stop in Baltimore. If you know anything about the area, this is not uncommon. The police officer stopped me and told me to put my keys on the dashboard in 90 degree plus weather with the windows rolled up. I started to hyper ventilate and was taken to the hospital. My car was sent to compound and when I went to court to contest the incident, the cop stated that he was new on the force and that everything was a mistake. Meanwhile I still had no car. When I met my long lost friend he convinced me not to bother with it, that I could borrow his car as needed. I trusted him so I obliged, not knowing that these were steps of his control over me.  


I got a job first and he started doing odd cleaning jobs so he said that he would drop me off at work and pick me up when I got off because his job wouldn't be that long. I got off at 5PM. A friend of mine waited with me until almost 7PM before offering me a ride home because he never showed up. Later that night when he came home, I heard his excuse, and once again believed him. I needed to believe him. I needed to believe in love no matter what package it came in. We made love and fell asleep. Over time, I trusted him with my secrets and our pillow talk was my outlet. Little did I know that he would strategically use everything against me. After a few months, things started to veer towards being worse but not so bad to alarm me until he convinced me to move from Baltimore into his condo in Hyattsville.

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